Global Village (and other such things)

I know, I know, I've been neglecting you.  And at such an unfortunate juncture: last I wrote, I'd just taken my medical test, and had mentioned that the results were due back the following day.  Those of you who are paranoid neurotic hypochondriacs like I am had probably assumed that my failure to post was due to an acute onset of the very TB that they were testing for.  I'm sorry for worrying you, fellow paranoid neurotic hypochondriacs.  I'm fine!  Just unmotivated.  But it doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about you every day.  I was!  

(And oh, just so I don't leave you hanging-- my medical result came back: "FIT."  Fit, like, as a fiddle!  I wonder if the alternative is simply, "UNFIT"?  Regardless, this was great news because not ONLY did it put to rest any lingering suspicion I may have had that TB was quietly ravaging my insides, but it also meant that my residence visa could finally be processed, which it was!  Cue the UAE national anthem.  If there is one.  Thank goodness I don't have to take a citizenship test, too.)

Ok, so two nights ago, I ditched the rugrats and went to check out Global Village.  Or more specifically, I was there on a date-- The German invited me to go with her! (also present was her friend The Russian, but I'm going to rewrite history and eliminate that pesky third wheel).  I'd been hearing lots of rumblings about Global Village but wasn't sure what to expect: was it an amusement park? a shopping outlet? an Epcot knockoff?

Well of course it is all of those things.  At around 8pm Zia delivered The German and me to what appeared to be the entrance to a carnival, complete with looming ferris wheel and garish neon lights.  I'd been told that many countries were "represented" there, and upon entry I quickly assessed that each country had been given a designated facade, behind which were flea-market-esque booths overflowing with traditional foods, souvenirs, and even talent (I had not previously associated plates-spinning-on-sticks-balanced-on-noses with China, but now I know).  Here are some other fun facts about Global Village, per its website:

- Global Village is open in Dubai from mid-November through mid-February.

- Last year, it was visited by 4.5 MILLION people over the same time period.

- It boasts pavilions representing the following: China, the Philippines, Vietnam, Pakistan, India, Nepal, Afghanistan, Iran, Bahrain, Yemen, United Arab Emirates (REPRESENT!), Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Lebanon, Jordan, Syria, Palestine, Egypt, Morocco, East and West Africa, Senegal, Rwanda.*

* NOTICE ANY COUNTRIES THAT ARE MISSING???  Ahem.

The website brags that Global Village is "probably the only place in the world where you can buy an intricately woven Indian pashmina shawl, a Japanese bonsai, and fresh Canadian maple syrup all from the same place"-- though I would like to point out that there was neither a Japanese pavilion *nor* a Canadian pavilion.  Which leaves me wondering where I might have gone for that fresh Canadian maple syrup.  But that is neither here nor there.

In addition to the above pavilions and the myriad carnival rides (which we stayed far away from; after all, we were two women out on the town with NO CHILDREN PRESENT and there was serious shopping to attend to!), there was supposedly a "Guinness World Records Pavilion" where you could show up and attempt to break one of 14 world records. This pavilion would have served a purpose in the event that the kiddies *had* tagged along: they could have channeled all of their horrible tantrum energy toward breaking the "World's Loudest Scream" record, while we moms could have been serious contenders at the "World's Fastest Text Message" challenge (both real categories, who knew).  (Side note: do you get the feeling that Guinness is making a desperate attempt to remain relevant?  I mean, come on, fastest text?  What's next, The Guinness World Record for Most Contemporaneous Facebook Status Update?).

I ended up purchasing some beaded picture frames from India, some lawn pinwheels from China (again, the Chinese might join me in feeling a little confused by their Global Village characterization?), and some chocolate ice cream from Palestine (don't ask) (and yes, it felt a little weird, but DUDE I was craving some ice cream).

The best part of the night, though, had nothing to do with Global Village per se: I was just so happy-- purely happy!-- to be out, with a friend, doing something mindless and silly and eating ice cream and not having to be yelling at anyone for making a mean face.  It was such a treat, and I am so grateful that The German lives right next door.  

Ok, what else is news?  Here are a few more things:

First, we're in the middle of the Dubai Shopping Festival.  Before it began I thought that the shopping festival was a designated activity, like a street fair-- but actually it's the name given to the month-long period of time in which MOST stores in MOST venues have MOST of items on some sort of sale.  Cool, no?  I have been *forcing* myself to go to the mall more than usual (oh, the humanity) because the items on sale keep changing and the discounts keep increasing.  And with no Target here in Dubai, my bargain shopping addiction has been going tragically unfed.  So you can imagine my relief at purchasing a (only slightly disfigured) top at H&M today for a mere US $5.  Yay.

Second, Daddy did, in fact, buy a car.  For reals!  It's a giant piece of black metal that takes up most of the garage and might suggest to laypeople that we are harboring a military tank in our home.  But whatevs, it's got a cool function where you can watch the DVD player in the back with headphones while the radio keeps playing in the front, a key feature if you happen traveling with people for whom "Barney's Big Adventure" is the height of cinematic achievement.  I think it's a GNC Yukon.  Or a GMC Yukon.  One of those is our car and one of those is PopPop's health food store.  I trust you can sort it out, I'm too tired.

Finally, something really nice happened relating to our beloved housemaid, Raquel.  (Another side note: my friend Seacrest has expressed repeated concern that Raquel and Zia don't have aliases here.  To which I say, A-ha! How do you know that "Raquel" and "Zia" *aren't* aliases?  But in case you're not buying that, I don't know how to explain it other than it seemed too horrible to follow the model of "Mommy" and "Baby" and refer to them as "Driver" and "Housemaid."  Perhaps from this point onward I will call them "Z-Man" and "Alice" and hope that any potential malcontents are too lazy to read old entries. Or this one, for that matter.)  

Anyway, we knew that ALICE's 30th birthday was rapidly approaching, and I was determined to make a fuss over her.  After all, 30 is a big birthday, and she is away from her husband and kids, and she wasn't going to see her friends until the weekend, and I figured that she might be feeling a little lonely that day.  So I asked and I asked her for some gift suggestions, but she is too polite and would give me no hints.  This left me in a bit of a bind, particularly because, on the only other occasion that I had attempted to surprise her with a gift, she practically LEAPT out of character to tell me No thank you, Madame, I don't want those (pretty! purple! flowery!) canvas pictures, they "don't match my room."  Don't match?!!  Your room is all white!  I was horrified by the rebuttal and my feelings were rather hurt.  (I come from an upbringing of "Act enthusiastically gracious, no matter what you think of the gift," whereas The German told me that Filipina housemaids are notorious for their brutal honesty.)  So I was more than a little gunshy this second time around.

Thankfully, the day before her birthday, she mentioned in passing that her DVD player was not working, so POOF! I was off in a puff of smoke to the electronics store.  While Alice slept that night, I wrapped her presents (I'd cobbled together the DVD player, some movie money, a Hello Kitty phone case, a personalized bracelet, and a couple of cute fabric ponytail holders-- gifts can be practical as well as fun!), filled out a card (in which I told her that we already can't imagine life in Dubai without her, which is true), and hung a Winnie the Pooh HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign across from her bedroom door.  It was intentional that I left the presents out for her to discover on her own: I knew that she would not want to be put on the spot to have the right reaction in front of us.  

But when we came downstairs on birthday morning, the presents were still unopened at Alice's door... and she was standing there in the kitchen with TEARS in her eyes!  She said, in her broken English (repaired herein for the sake of not portraying myself as a total jerk), "You have made me so happy.  This is only the second present I have ever received in Dubai.  Thank you so much."  Of course the kids then bound into her room uninvited to "assist" with the gift opening... and amidst the sound of wrapping paper crinkling and children falling all over each other demanding, "What'd you get?", Daddy and I could hear the sound of Alice *weeping*.  Which inspired Sushi to come bounding back out of the room to proudly announce, "Alice is so happy that she is crying!"  I was genuinely moved and said quietly to Daddy, "I get the feeling that these housemaids just aren't treated so well here."  Then we silently congratulated ourselves for being such good people.  Which probably makes us less good people, but hopefully only slightly.

Alice's day went on to be a wholly celebratory one: both kids made birthday cards for her at school; we baked her a cake (WHAT is UP with these Betty Crocker concoctions that FALL APART when you commit the dire offense of trying put some frosting on them??  My cake ended up looking like someone had regurgitated the top layer, sheesh!); and the birthday culminated with a little party here at the house where 7 of Alice's housemaid friends came out in full effect.  PopPop even insisted on picking up the tab for the party's food delivery order, all US $100+ dollars of it (causing Alice to get choked up all over again).  I closed out the event by loudly declaring, in front of the bevy of wide-eyed housemaids, "Now Alice, you stay seated.... Tonight, *I* do all the cleaning up!  I don't want to see you lift a finger!"  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one housemaid fall off her chair.  Consider my status as World's Coolest Madame locked up, baby.  

Hey, call Guinness!  

More soon....