Friday, June 12, 2009

Underpants Beach, and Other Things You Won't Find in Dubai

Ok, I'm a slacker. And to the 3 people who check in regularly to see if I've posted anything new, I offer my most heartfelt apologies (and urge you, again, to sign up for the email notification on the left, because I can't give you back the innumerable seconds of your life you might frequently waste while loading my unaltered page). You are good people. I, meanwhile, am a lowly jester who has run out of jokes.

No, I take that back; the jokes are still there, but the new material isn't. There's not much to write about when life is just plodding along at a normal pace. And so, I am silent. But I guess if there's a silver lining to my recent web absence, it's that no news is good news... heaven knows you would have heard about it (IN CAPS, PROBABLY) if anyone was sick, saddened, or incarcerated (equal probability, all).

So what's been going on, let's see. Well, I went AWOL for a few precious days and escaped from witch mountain ALL BY MYSELF, believe it or not. In order to attend a beloved childhood friend's wedding, I ditched the desert and spent about 48 glorious hours back in the contiguous United States. (No, I didn't tell you in advance that I was coming, but please don't take it personally, I just knew I wouldn't have time to make the rounds, I had heartsick toddlers to rush back to) (or so I thought, more on that later). Here are a few things about the USA that I suddenly realized I'd been desperately missing:

(1) electrical sockets in the bathroom (Why, oh WHY, Dubai, do you make me flat iron my hair on the bedroom floor?);

(2) Target ($9.99 swimsuits!);

(3) CVS (children's Tylenol, all forms!);

(4) squirrels (so cute and fluffy!);

(5) green grass, green treetops, green shrubs (sure, there are green things here, but they all seem so... master planned);

(6) Starbucks barristas who shoot the sh*t with you while brewing (it makes me feel so empty inside when they just look like they're there to do a *job*... don't they also want to be my FRIENDS?);

(7) fully paved roads, with nary an orange cone in sight (good LORD I am tired of road construction!!!!!);

(8) fellow News;

and of course

(9) gays (at one point I happened onto a park literally littered with semi-nude gay men, sunbathing like penguins on rocks, see photo above. Made me giddy as a schoolgirl. Dubai may have Jumeirah Beach, but what I really crave is Underpants Beach. Boys, how I've missed you!!!).

Overall, the trip was a smashing success: the wedding was delightful (Mazel tov, M & J!!), the weather was perfect, and apparently, the children undergo head transplants for the exact duration of my travels because my stealth reporters tell me that the kids might as well have hailed from Stepford, they were so well-behaved and well-adjusted while I was away. (Let it surprise no one, however, that within 10 minutes of my return, one screaming banshee was being dragged outside onto the sidewalk by her ear. Come on, little people, is it ME that drives you to the brink of toddler insanity?? You can tell me, I can handle it. And trust me, I can EASILY arrange to be out of town more often, if that's what you NEED me to do...)

Other quick family updates: Daddy is in Greece on business; PopPop has vowed to hit the gym on a daily basis for the rest of his natural-born life (Wolverine, watch your back!); Sushi now presents us with weekly "art shows" of surprisingly impressive quality; Screamer has finally mastered the letter "C" (Princeton Admissions office, we're back on track); and Baby will be taking her first steps any day now.

And staff updates: Z-Man continues to worry about his family, who are among the millions fleeing the Taliban in the Swat Valley of Pakistan (yikes); Alice is gearing up to go home next month and visit her young 2 sons; and Julia may, or may not, be coming to the end of her brief employ with us (at some point, the aggravation of diffusing the children's misplaced aggression towards her outweighs her overall usefulness, ya know?). Stay tuned...

So thanks again for popping by. Even though I don't write as often as I should, you're always on my mind. ;) xo.