Ugh, I am really sorry. Have been getting emails from people asking what the HELL ever happened with The German and the party. And I'm so embarrassed that I didn't follow up on my last post in a timely fashion. I mean, there are acceptable cliffhangers, and then there are blatant attempts to drive people away from the blog by author inactivity. Apologies! Please come back!
So here's what happened. The day before the German party, I texted the husband: sorry to bother you, it appears your wife is not speaking to me, am wondering if we are we still invited? He, in what I took to be a cowardly move, did not reply. Then the next morning (party day!), I received the following text from The German herself:
"First of all, not smart move contacting [Husband]. He would never discuss my issues with somebody else! Second, I just realized that we are living in too different worlds, so I think it's better to stop this texting relationship and this being involved like before. That doesn't mean that I am not talking to you anymore... Third, the girls are still invited, sure. But if [Screamer] is still on [restricted] diet it will be difficult for her, there will be lots of candies all over the place."
From this I took the message that the *girls* were invited, but the girls only. So I did what any spineless combatant would do: I sent the kids to the party with Daddy, and then sat upstairs and watched the whole celebration unfold through my bedroom window. Daddy returned to report that, while The German went out of her way to say hello to the children standing at his side, she never uttered a single word to him. Aargh!
I was surprised when, the next day, I received this text from The German:
"Thanks for joining the party and thanks a lot for the great coloring books, the girls love them much, we already started today!"
I didn't know how to respond (an exclamation point??) so I didn't (good thing, too, as I later realized that this was her version of a thank you note). But I hoped she was waiting by the phone for a buzz that never came.
One week later it was time for Sushi's party in *our* backyard, to which The German's kids had been invited long ago. I started to sweat; would SHE show up at MY party?
Nope. She followed suit and sent *her* girls with *her* husband. In fact, I was shocked when she made a momentary appearance at the end of the party to collect the kids; I said nothing to her (but made sure she saw me in my fabulous hostess dress; she has otherwise only known me in some version of pajamas, I think).
Awkwardly, the present that she gave to Sushi was a bookbag from the international school that her kids attend; I quickly confiscated it, lest Sushi get confused about the likely change in enrollment plans. Then The German sent me this text the next day:
"Thanks for the party. I kept the invoice, just in case you need to change something. Maybe the girls can meet at the clubhouse pool some day?"
Was the ice thawing? I didn't care. At that point, I had gotten over feeling hurt and betrayed and had moved into feeling angry. PopPop had given me the great suggestion to start wearing my (prescription) sunglasses to the clubhouse, which made my frequent close encounters with The German there a lot easier to endure (for the most part, I pretended not to see her, despite the fact that behind the dark lenses, I was performing an endless and comprehensive scan of the entire property for any sign of her). Once she and I even bumped into each other while exiting adjoining bathroom stalls-- yikes!!-- good thing I was wearing my sunglasses even in there (and suffering near-blindness as a result, but sooo worth the inane fumbling around in the darkness).
Then yesterday, I almost fell off my chair when I received this final missive:
"Hi [Mommy], can't help it, I still care a lot for you... If you are still interested in nursery school for [Baby], it could be good timing to go to main school campus asap as they are filling the toddler classes. I got a spot... Good luck for you!"
So now the question: HOW DO I REPLY, IF AT ALL? I'm awaiting your sage advice... xo
10 comments:
I know this is totally 20th-century, but maybe have a conversation (in person) to clear the air? Otherwise assume she has a personality disorder and move on.
Maybe she realizes she has over reacted and is embarrassed so she is just trying to move on? I think it might be best to have a conversation.
The German is in love with you (who wouldn't be?!?) and has realized she can't live without you! Life is more fun with [Mommy] in it!
I fully agree with all of the other comments. A conversation is in order and with your charm she will surely melt at your feet (hopefully some of that charm will rub off on her - she sorely could use it). She clearly misses you. Definitely work it out, and revel in the fact that she broke first and you won ;-)
I dunno...could be a trap! Hard to trust those Germans...
It depends on what you want for the future and if you want a relationship with her. I think the safest move for now, just in case she goes all postal again, is to text her back and thank her for thinking of you and Baby and add that you enjoyed having her girls at the party. Simple, uncomplicated, polite, noncommittal. If you really WANT to talk to her, I would ditch the infernal texting and call her, or better yet, show up (unannounced, natch) on her doorstep with flowers.
I would back off. She's unstable, it's not good for you. Talk to her if she calls, but do not proactively contact her. I think you should be cordial and say hello, but don't fully embrace her again...not for a long time. She has some trust to earn back from you!
I think what's getting lost in all of this is that the kids might enjoy playing together, and they shouldn't be deprived of their playmates just because [Mommy] and The German can't work out their adult issues. I suggest you show up on her doorstep with some baked goods for the girls as a sign of goodwill, let her know that you're happy to maintain the friendly-neighbor civility for the sake of the girls' playdates, and leave it at that. She's never going to be your best friend - better to accept that now and avoid the heartbreak of future German drama.
P.S. Good for Daddy for braving The German's party!
I agree that a lot can be misinterpreted from email/text. However, I do really think this lady is unstable. For the sake of the kiddos, I think you should behave as you already have been, with kindness and civility, and the kids will be none the wiser. I wouldn't recommend seeking out her friendship, though, or, trying to patch up a friendship. I think another episode like this one is bound to happen if you let her get too close.
I realize I am commenting fairly late here - but who is this "anti-texting" crowd that reads your blog? Such craziness. I think you need to test this woman. Sure she speaks German, and sure she speak English, but does she speak pig-latin? Text her back something in pig-latin. If she understands, then she is to be respected. If not, dump the b*tch.
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